Long winded post… Warning… Hehe…
Got fed up when NFSMW jumped out to desktop suddenly after I wanted to save in the SafeHouse… Argh…
The date of departure is drawing near… About two more weeks and I’ll have to leave this lovely country…
I don’t know whether this is taoism or buddhism or both, I suddenly wanted to talk about losses and gains… It’s like for everything you gain, you loses something… And also vice versa… They don’t come singly… The theory of duality… Now it’s like Angels and Demons… Hahahahaha… I still remember that day I went back to Chong Hwa for e2 because I left her out in the gathering… (I am terribly sorry about that but it was not done intentionally)… I know whatever I say the wound is still there, I understand, because she’s as sensitive as me… Just hope that she can really let bygones be bygones…
Anyway, during the talk in Chong Hwa Restaurant (Just outside the school sticking to the fence of our front football field), I remember that she mentioned something like she’s losing things during the form 6 years… Something like friends are becoming lesser and lesser because they don’t stay in form 6 or they just simply leave the country (Hui Fen, me, Jee Jing and also I am sure that I missed a few)… So I tell her my opinion that for everything one loses, one will gain another thing… I said although I chose a road which leads me to a completely strange environment (Ya, who say Kai Sing’s not strange? WAKAKAKAKA…) that cause me to lose contact with my friends, in return I get new friends, or maybe something more… And then she agrees with it, that she became close with some other friends which she wasn’t close with during form 5… So the situation still obeys the law…
I hope that it’ll continue to be true till I am in India… Or not only in India, but throughout my whole life… I’ve experienced too much of changes in this kind of friendship matters… I’ve been admitted to a primary school where no one is from the same kindergarten as me… And then the environment changes again when I skipped my Standard 4 after PTS… And another time when I am admitted to Chong Hwa, where there is basically no one can possibly be from my primary school… Why? Because Jalan Gombak and Jalan Ipoh is almost half an hour away (If not taking shortcut by taking a V type route)… And then I am separated from one of my best friends (During form 2 and form 3) when I am in form 4, just because of the stupid mixed-class policy… And then matriculation… (Even in matriculation I have to change from Physics class to Bio class…) And now finally… JPA…
Too much changes… And another change will happen soon… Where it’s the biggest one I’ve experienced… During the last day while I was in my primary school, I’ve basically no feelings in leaving the school… But for secondary school… I started to become a bit like purdah… Where I no longer talks much… Some friends got baffled by my strange behaviours though… but don’t know lah… It was like I was in a fog of unknown… And it remains… Maybe till now… I don’t remember being called as a silent person last time… In fact, a few of my secondary school teachers felt that I am talkative… Some even knocked my head with book or chalk… Haha… But now weimay use that to describe me… Kinda surprise… Haha… Really…
But then… I still don’t know what I am worrying… The psychological test done by JPA showed the right thing… I am seriously in depression… Hahaha… But then I myself don’t know what the problem is… And I once thought of what might happen if I am doing in the field I liked… I think that it won’t cause a difference in this matter… So… I remained in dentistry…
I read the messages from some of my schoolmates during that time when we are about to leave the school… Huifen said that Minfuah thought I am more matured than other people… Hahaha… I should say no because she mistook depression with maturity… Hehe… Or is it maturity? I don’t know because I am not matured enough to figure out the answer… (Huh? Bah… Don’t know WTH I am saying…) Anyway, I think that I am not matured enough to figure out what cause the depression…
Hei! It seems that I know what’s causing the depression… It’s this uncertainty whether I can suit myself to this constant change of matters… But then, how to solve it lah?… Aih… So clueless… Forget it… Maybe should read some buddhism books, because I remembered in the f***ing Moral subject, one of the buddhism doctrines is the constant change in this world, where human shouldn’t have a constant heart, but to have an ever-ready-to-change mindset… Hehe… Correct me if I am wrong… Oh ya, anyhow I think I gotta go get myself a 道德经 Dao De Jing first, to let me understand taoism… Hehe… Don’t get surprised if you happen to see me calling myself a taoist… Wakakakaka… Anyway, during the visit to Popular Bookstore in Ikano Power Centre yesterday (For a launch of a book which is about the chinese schools in Malaysia, where my mum had to represent NUTP/KPPK), I found a 道德经 having both chinese and english translation… Got interested in it but it’s RM 21 something for a book with the same quality as my pirated novels (I’ve recently got myself 射雕英雄传, the prequel to 神雕侠侣)… So no buy… Hehe… Wanna find books about learning Tamil also don’t have… Too bad… Guess that maybe have to go India only got… Haha…
Got myself a few thousands of ASW2020 that day… Lucky… Haha… I think maybe the annual interest can afford my airfare to Jakarta… Airasia of course… Haha… SMS-ed a few people gone for UI… Only Pohwei gave me the contact numbers there… And he also mentioned that the room they living in now is like hotel… Got phone in the room some more… Oh gosh… Don’t make me envy leh… Better go ask Nugrahan (Our agent) get us a phone in our room in India… But then I didn’ t ask him whether the aircond is paid by themselves or what… Because ours in India they say got aircond but have to pay ourselves… Toink… But then we still got bathroom in each room lah… Nugrahan claimed that we can make a swimming pool inside… I think rear some fish still ok lah… Hahaha… But then, it seems that my dad is worrying me to have the idea to go Indonesia… Hopefully he’ll change his mind soon… I wanna go their convo, like today… Hehe…
It’s my second eldest brother’s convocation day today… Again, it’s people mountain people sea… But imagine lah, all the hard work done all these years… Apa boleh buat?… I became his cameraman… but my eldest brother keep scolding me for nothing… Say what not being attentive enough lah… Camera setting don’t put superfine lah… Take picture not fast enough lah (This one I know… Can’t fight Kaising… WAKAKAKAKAKA…)… I wonder why he doesn’t say it in a better manner… Surely he didn’t read 刘墉’s books… I wonder how he’ll get a gf like that… Maybe still can pretend to be nice before marriage lah… But after married ah… Hmmph… No comment… Just witnessed another quarrel between my mum and dad after dad picked up another big piece of junk to bring home to add as collection… Oh yeah, now only I know it’s quite popular to give people convo bears during convo… Got winnie the pooh and snoopie some more leh… I wonder whether got hello kitty for Pohwei onot… Hehehe…
Another shocking news came to me yesterday… My brother’s (That one who’d had convo today) 1100 has been stolen… OMG… Who’s got that bad taste to steal an 1100?… My brother say that time his roommate forgot to shut the door so the stealer saw the phone loh… But he also said that time his digital camera also on the table with the phone leh… The stealer’s really bad taste lah… Oh anyway, anyone who comes steal my phone not only can’t use my credit, but have to crack the security code to unlock the keypad or when insert a new sim card… The fella won’t have an easy life after stealing my cheap handphone… Hahaha… But I am rather worried of how should I keep my current number… Because once I’ve gone to India, and if my sim card is lost, I’ll have to go get a new sim card myself at maxis center… And that’s quite impossible… Haih…
Anyway I played around with his newly bought 1110… I don’t know whether I can call it an enhanced 1100… But all the functions of 1100 are in 1110 (Maybe not all, but I’ve only found one that’s not in 1110) in a similar manner lah of course… And 1110 is stronger in some aspects loh (I mean the function, I don’t know whether it’s as durable as mine, hehehe)… And it’s polyphonic some more leh… Although it’s still b&w screen lah… Nokia claimed that the screen is “distinctive inverted b&w screen”… Means compared to the usual b&w screen, the text or other areas that are black are white, while the empty area is black…. Don’t care… It’s nice enough for me… The price? RM180… My 1100 now priced RM175… I tell you if I am getting a new phone I definitely go get an 1110… But I don’t think I’ll get a new phone unless the old one got itself into any mishap… But last time mine was RM250 leh… Am dui ah!!!!…
5 years… Or maybe I should say 6 years for some of them… Or maybe there’re others who don’t wanna take the chance of leaving their hometown also after graduation… I don’t know… whether I can still have the feelings now… of missing all my friends… Of course I hope I’ll still have them… But I’ve already been startled by a fact… I no longer have feelings towards my primary schoolmates now… Hopefully it’s just because that time we didn’t go through things as much as secondary or foundation times… But that’s the truth I cannot deny… Even in Form 3 I’ve forgotten most of the names… That’s one of the cause of the depression… I don’t want to see the feelings fade so easily…
Hopefully this blog can help me preserve it…
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